My Bio (Satire)

Michael Marsters was born on a small farm in downtown Chicago. The eldest of three sisters, he was confused a lot but never apologized for it. As a child, he would amuse himself by throwing raisins at penguins. At the age of 12, he contracted Pig-Latin Disease which did not exist, therefore no one knew what to do about it. However, when he was holed up in bed he conceived an idea that would later form the basis of his first opera entitled La Notte They Drove Old Dixie Down.

Michael was an honor student in high school and graduated two years early. He then returned and finished the other two years of high school upon which he was given a dishonorable discharge (a.k.a. boot in the tuckus.) Yet hope springs eternal. After six months of college, he decided that Shakespeare was a fraud resulting in his arrest, trial and sentence to three years as an accounting major. However, it was in science class where he learned that fish do not fly out of the water and into the sky at random intervals because of a little thing called gravity. This insight lead him to write his second novel entitled A Tale of Two Random Intervals of Fish.

Post-college, Michael released three more albums of Zydeco music entitled Abbey Road, Quadrophenia, and Nevermind. Soon after, he was sued by the music industry for defamation and subsequently decided to retire before the other shoe dropped (a.k.a. boot in the tuckus.) He then settled down at a truck stop on Route 61 and married his high school sweetheart, Billie Jean King. The two have four children, none of whom are named Brittney, and a dog that gets bored easily. All your base are belong to us.

Copyright 2011 by Michael Marsters.
All rights reserved.


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