The Helper Guy Answers All Your Questions!

Note: This column is for entertainment
purposes only. Eh, blogger?

Q: I’m paying too much for car insurance.
Money’s really tight right now, and I need to cut
back where I can. What would you suggest?

A: There are many ways you could go here, but
I would recommend, if you are a safe driver and
have a good record, that you switch to Geico.
You’ll save 25% percent on your car insurance
with them.

Q: Well, that’s a good discount; however, it’s
still a little pricey for me. Are there any other
discounts available?

A: I’m glad you asked, because I happen to
know that if you switch from Geico to Allstate,
you’ll save an additional 30%.

Q: Wow, that is a good deal. But, you know, it
would be really great if I could pay even less than
that for car insurance. After all, I have two kids
and need to pay for college.

A: No problem there. If you switch from Allstate
to Progressive, you’ll save another 40%.

Q: Awesome! Hey, um, listen. Not to get greedy
or anything, but I’d really like to be able to afford
a down payment on a house.

A: Absolutely. If you switch from Progressive to
Geico, you will save an additional 60%.

Q: Yeeh–! Wait a minute. Didn’t you already
have me switching to Geico earlier on?

A: Yes, I did. And switching to them again will
save you even more money.

Q: What?

A: Switching insurance providers saves you
money. It can’t be any simpler than that.

Q: That doesn’t make any sense.

A: You don’t seem to understand. Insurance
Land is a magical place full of talking geckos,
whee-whee piggies, mischievous woodchucks
and all manner of wacky misfit human beings.
And cavemen. Anything is possible there, for
when we are amused, all barriers fall . . . .

Q: Hee hee. I love that one commercial with
the duck that says the name of the company.
AFLAC, isn’t it?

A: We’re talking about car insurance here. Try
to stay on topic.

Q: I thought you were supposed to answer any
question you’re asked.

A: You can’t believe everything you hear.

If you have a question for the Helper Guy,
please send it to yo’ mama. Peace out.

Copyright 2011 by Michael Marsters.
All rights reserved. (All corporate names
and trademarks are used entirely without
permission. So there.)


10 thoughts on “The Helper Guy Answers All Your Questions!

  1. Michael, this is a great satire. I still can’t believe Aflack fired Gilbert Gottfried for being politically incorrect. I mean, he’s GILBERT GOTTFRIED. The first comedian to crack a joke about 9/11 at the Fryers Club; then, when the audience groaned and he said, “Too soon?”, proceeded to be the first comic in history to publicly do his version of The Aristocrats, the dirtiest joke EVER. That’s where the idea for the movie started, by the way.

    Loved this. Thanks, M. Amy


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