Do You Want a Wunderbar?

Hello, I am Klaus du Affeglanz, president of the Deutschland Confectionary Manufacturers, Limited. How are you this day? Maybe you are hungry. No one knows but you. Have you noticed before that when you are hungry, there is no way for others to tell? When you are happy, you have a smile on your face. When you are angry, your eyes are dark and maybe you curl your fingers into a fist. But when you are hungry? There is nothing for you to offer but the words “I am hungry.”

Some things are hard to express. Have you been told that saying about Shakespeare, how a million monkeys could write Hamlet if you gave them typewriters and enough Gatorade or some such thing? It’s not true. Monkeys do not like to write and make very bad pets also. Have you tried to buy bananas by the crate? The grocers look at you like your head is full of crazy things. But madness is subjective.

One time I went into an all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant and grabbed a handful of plastic salad forks. I tried to eat them; however, the manager said I could not because I would get a blocked intestine and could file a lawsuit against his establishment. Then I said they should let me eat the forks or I would file a lawsuit because it was supposed to be all-you-can-eat. He called the police. And the judge forced me to go to a psychiatrist who told me I had issues, but I did not want to talk about them. Secrets are good for the soul.

Do you know what also is good? Our new candy bar. We call it simply: Wunderbar! It is tasty and you will be less hungry after you eat it. So, buy a Wunderbar! today. Or sometime in the near future.

Copyright 2011 by Michael Marsters.
All rights reserved.


12 thoughts on “Do You Want a Wunderbar?

  1. Are they chocolate? Yummy! I don’t have to be hungry to want chocolate. Is this post fictional? I think so. It made me laugh. Monkeys really don’t make good pets. I have to agree. Blessings to you, Michael…


  2. Hi Michael–Love your post, but I wanted to let you know that Wunderbar actually is a chocolate bar sold in Canada. According to it is chocolate and caramel and peanuts…and, in fact, I can attest to the fact that it is a very tasty chocolaty treat. So next time you’re hungry you simply have to come to Canada and pop into almost any corner store and ask for it by name.
    “I’d like a Wunderbar,” you could say, and the seventeen-year-old pimply clerk would grab one for you from the rack of Snickers and Malted Milks and Baby Ruths.
    Easy-peasy. In fact, I may head to the local corner store now and pick one up for myself. I’ll let you know if it tastes as good as I remember from the last time I had one (which was a few years ago, I’m sure).
    Great writing style, by the way. I’ll be back to read more.


  3. There is also an old song called, “Wunderbar,” which is, of course, pronounced “VOON-der-bar.”

    Your commentary is priceless, Michael.The episode with the plastic forks, the occasional slight misstep with the English, and whoever said monkeys make bad pets (if only for the crates of bananas) is right. Besides, you slip on the peels! You make-a me laugh so hard with-a you funny prose, bad boy!! Amy


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