Writing, An Apology

I apologize for constantly stringing together words
in all sorts of strange and mentally taxing ways.
I know this peculiar compulsion of mine for what it is.
Observation does not dim its maniacal pretentions
toward its unknown audience.
(I do not ingratiate; I do not network;
I bite the hand that feeds me;
And often suffer myself alone . . . )
Why do I do this over and again?
I don’t know. I really don’t know.
Everything must emit.
I suppose I am too empathetic to cage them,
To watch my thoughts thrash about in captivity.
( . . . Then I imagine whole worlds
So as not to be alone; Still, my
Obscurity does not easily suggest
Willing and wondrous inhabitors.)
From our inception, we feel compelled
To justify our very, inexplicable being.
I cannot accept that this is all I am.
Perhaps I attempt to turn my life into fiction,
A recognizable ebb and flow imposed upon
The tumultuous scatter of existence.
(Either way, the end to the self is unknown;
I can offer no apology there; My methods
Of navigation however erratic
Will have to suffice . . . )

Copyright 2014 by Michael Marsters.
All rights reserved.

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11 thoughts on “Writing, An Apology

  1. Why should you cage your thoughts? You would only turn blue trying to keep them inside. Once said, they are more than thoughts. They are out there for you and the world to consider. Better is a word spoken than one kept inside to ferment. Let it out and deal with it. Perhaps you are toying with us, Michael. That’s okay. We all need something to do for fun. So do I. Blessings to you…

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    1. The cage thing was a metaphor…I was mainly thinking in terms of a zoo…as if one’s writings merely were meant as a showcase for one’s talents…I try to let my ideas run more free than that…Still, I would like eventually for my body work to seen as a monument to my creativity…That’s a contradiction that lies at the heart of what I’m trying to accomplish…And I think we all face that in some manner during our life where we must balance being a caretaker of others with our own self-interest…

      Thanks for your thoughts, Carol šŸ™‚

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  2. I so understand this, Michael, and especially love these lines:
    ‘From our inception, we feel compelled
    To justify our very, inexplicable being.’
    No apologies necessary – you say what a lot of ‘us’ think and feel. Needing acceptance can certainly become a prison for the creative spirit … for the fullness of life in general.

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  3. You bring up some good observations here. Part of this feels a bit humorous but some feels quite sincerely questioning…and maybe somewhat pained. Reading this made me reflect on the usefulness of all that self reflection that I do. Does it get me anywhere? Does it serve me in any way? Maybe there is no end to the self…now I’m reflecting and pondering on that… I understand your compulsion because I have one too!

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    1. The apology is certainly facetious, but it is meant to underscore the difficulty of try to answer through my writing the kinds of questions that are meaningful to me…and as well, the fact that it can be difficult for the reader to understand writing that is premissed on questions about life and the universe that the reader him- or herself may not have…

      But you gotta try anyway šŸ™‚

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