Classics Condensed

Do you like to read? Have you always wanted to read the classics but don’t have the time. Or you just find old books interminably boring? Well, I’ve condensed five of the greatest works of Western literature down to the bare essentials all for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!

A Tale of Two Cities
Aristocrat: You are a traitor!
Barrister: You are a spy!
DeFarge: You are an aristocrat!
Darnay: Oh, dear.
Carton: Don’t worry! I’m suicidal!

The Metamorphosis
Samsa: Hey! I turned into a slug thing.
Family: What the . . . ?
Samsa: (shrivels up.)
Family: . . . so what were we talking about?

Pilot: I’m going crazy.
Captain: Perhaps you should spend some time in a mental ward.
Pilot: That’s probably a good idea.
Captain: Oh? You agree? Then get back in your aeroplane, you a******!

The Lord of the Rings
Gollum: Give it!
Frodo: No!

Guard: I think that ghost is trying to tell us something.
Gertrude: That apparition is a hack writer.
Hamlet: This play has inspired me. I shall kill now.
Ophelia: Crazy crazy crazy.

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